You're A Peach
by LondonPige
Summary: Some classic Andrew moments that you didn't see in season 7, Inbetweens, Baking, Interviews, Andrew/Dawn, Pretty much what Andrew was up too the whole time, Rated T for later chapters. New chapter up-- THE UNIVERSE'S NEXT TOP SLAYER
1. Hostage

**Your A Peach**  
**Pairing:** Andrew/Dawn  
**set during**: Season 7  
**episode:** begins in 'Never Leave Me'  
**Theme:** Humor/Romance  
**Description:** Some classic Andrew moments you didn't see during season 7, inbetweens, Dawn/Andrew moments, Baking and interviews.  
**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to Joss and Fox

**'Interogation'**

"Careful with my coat, it's expensive"--10 dollar fake leather jacket from the salvation army in Sunnydale.  
Anya smirk then threw the jacket on the ground and deliberatly stomped on it.  
_Uhh, Vengeance demon...more like Bitch demon, my poor coat._  
"_Hey_," Xander hastily tied one of Andrews wrists to the flimsy chair," oww!" he whined like the nerd he was.

_This was clearly unjust_, _he felt just like princess Leia, chain up against his free-will.  
At least he wasn't chained to Java the Hut, he wasn't fond of fat, even inter-galactic alien fat.  
Talking about fat, Xander was starting to look like 9th season chandler. He wasn't as toned as he used to be -not that he would notice something like that... he wasn't Gay_.  
Andrew looked around with shifty eyes.  
_Wait,_ he thought, _no one can hear what I'm thinking, okay unless of course they were a Vulcan and could mind melt_.  
Andrew was 96 percent sure Xander wasn't a Vulcan.  
"Now we can do this the hard way if you want," Xander's beady eyes glared malevolently at a squirming Andrew.  
_Okay..play this cool, your Andrew, your smart-you wet the bed till you were 12...quick say something!_  
"Your Barking up the wrong asparagus!" Andrew struggled again, small beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.  
Anya stood with crossed arms. Andrew was pretty sure the shirt she was wearing was the ugliest shirt he'd ever seen and he'd lived with two virgin-nerds.  
Xander presciently questioned Andrew till he blabbered out a lie, he was a pez dispenser of lies.  
"Do you think this is a game junior!?" Anya launched herself at him," people are dying! Friends life's are in Danger"  
Andrew had never been so terrified in his whole life, his life was flashing before his eyes.  
_Wow like 60 percent of his memories were made up of star trek, that was slightly depressing, oh and Demonic monkeys of course.  
_Anya slapped him across the face, Xander quickly grabbed her and pulled her back.  
" owww," wailed Andrew again, _Bitch Demon_

" You were great"  
" I didn't know if i should slap him... but then i wanted to slap him"  
Andrew could barely make out what Xander and Anya were saying, _if only I had extendable ears._  
His eyes began to wonder, looking around Dawns typical teenage room, he had this permanent half-worried smirk on his face.  
_Small bed, Pretty necklaces, ouuuu a Nsync poster- Nsync was so over-rated. They only made it big was because of Justin.  
Warren was so the Justin of the trio, except when Justin left Nsync he wasn't turned inside out by a Gay Witch._

**'Andrew's Awakening'**

_Chewbacca growled, but he understood exactly what he was saying because he was Andrew Skywalker.  
Princess Dawn was lying just beyond Darth Anya, Darth Anya with her menacing (ugly) deer shirt.  
His mission? why to save the princess of course-being a Jedi and all, it was his duty.  
'You can't defeat me Darth Anya, I don't just use the force, I am the force!' Andrew yelled, thrusting himself into battle.  
Darth Anya's Red light saber clashed with his green one, sending sparks flying.  
'pesky nerd' coughed Anya from under her Deer-head helmet.  
'You may be quick but I'm T.N.T, I'm Dy-no-mite!' Andrew skywalker gave her a snarl, his lip rising up just above his teeth.  
'Andrew' Darth Anya wheezed' why won't you wake up!?'  
'He's been asleep forever!' whined Princess Dawn behind her capture  
'a-asleep?...is that some kind of insult, because I'm really--' Andrew coughed, 'I'm fighting the best I can!'_

cool water drenched Andrew's sweaty face, he twitched slightly, the water trickling down his nose and off his chin.  
'That was something,' Anya spat sarcastically. Andrew was currently tied to a chair in the summers living room. He'd been there since the night before when the bringers attacked. Spike had left a nasty wound on the side of his neck from when he'd pulled Andrew threw Dawn's wall and bit him.  
_wow, Poor Andrew, Spike really took a good chunk out of him. More like poor bedroom-- my room is ruined. _Dawn's eyes were glued to the bite on Andrew's neck.  
"Maybe if you threw hot water on him!" suggested Dawn.  
"Good thinking!" Anya clapped happily.  
Andrew was beginning to stir, he could still hear Darth Anya's uncanny voice.  
Buffy walked down stairs and before Andrew could fully wake up, he was being question again, this time about the hellmouths opening.  
"First isn't a Evil Name," he complained, The first-the evil being who had pretended to be Warren.  
" It is, if you understand the concept of it," Dawn tried to explain.  
"Evil names should be like Lex or voldemort-" Andrew looked up at Dawn who rolled her cobalt blue eyes at him.  
He countered with a kooky smirk.

**'The Fith'**

_hmm nice car, kinda smelt like the double meat palace though_. Andrew buckling into the back of Xander's car, Dawn got in the other side.  
Andrew got hit by all kinds of yummy smells when she sat down, _mmm peachy._  
Buffy and Xander got in simultaneously, not giving him a second glance and setting off to Sunnydale high.  
" I still think The First should have a cooler name," thought Andrew out loud, watching houses pass by.  
" It has that name for a reason," spat Dawn.  
" ye-yeah, so did voldemort, but his name was cooler," replied Andrew stuttering slightly in that awkward way he did.  
He looked down, playing with his seat belt and noticing just how dirty he looked. Andrew looked up, Dawn was clean, smelt nice and had rich bouncy hair.  
" Fine," Dawn sighed," what would you call It?"t wasn't like she actually cared but sitting with Andrew was already awkward enough.  
Andrew smiled and twisted his body to face her.  
"hmmm," his eyes searched upward," ouuu what about Darth Evil," Andrew looked very pleased with himself.  
"Darth Evil?" Dawn raised an eyebrow.  
"What?" he twitched, "what would you call it"  
Dawn thought for a while, playing with words in her head.  
"The Fith, Like Sith and First merged together!" Dawn exclaimed before she could stop herself. It was too late, Andrews eyes widened and his mouth hung open-he saw Dawn in a new light, in the nerd light.  
_Why didn't i think of that?_ thought Andrew. _That was so witty and smart, the young padawan knows the way of the Jedi._  
"You like Star Wars?"  
"I may have seen it once or twice," admitted Dawn, when Buffy had died last year she and Spike spent alot of time watching movies.  
one week they had watched the whole star wars series.  
"The First shall no longer me known as...the First," Andrew grinned, "It is now the Fith," This was followed by maniacal laughter, which was brought to a halt when Buffy turned around and glared at him. Fearing for his life, he stopped laughing.

**'The Virgin'**

They were in the school basement, looking down at the seal where Andrew had killed Jonathan. The place gave Andrew the creeps, in his opinion the school basment was creepier than the Temple of Doom-and that was scary.  
"whatever this is, we can't leave it exposed," Buffy decided while handing out shovels.  
For a while the four shoveled relentlessly, Buffy doing most of the work while Andrew shoveled dirt as if he was using a spoon.  
"Uhh, if only I was Jean Gray then I could move the dirt with my mind," Andrew sighed looking over at Dawn.  
"You're just not stop nerd aren't you? a non-stop flight from birth to death," Dawn shot back and continued to shovel dirt onto the Goat's head.  
_That hurt_, thought Andrew, _I mean who doesn't know about X-men? even Mexicans knew about X-men, it's like a universal language-like klingon. _  
"Why do we have to cover this up? I don't think a little dirt will stop the Fith," he directed to Dawn.  
"The Fifth?" Xander couldn't ignore Andrew any longer.  
"Yeah the Fith," more spoon shovelling.  
"It's The First evil not the fifth evil," Xander leaned on his shovel.  
"Fith, Not F-Fifth," stuttered Andrew.  
"What's the difference?"  
"Fith, like sith and First merged as one"  
"...and that's why you're a virgin," Xander laughed.  
Andrew looked at his feet, clearly offended," Why did you have to bring my virginity into this?"  
Dawn shook her head and continued to shovel. _Poor Andrew_, she thought, _probably never even been kissed_.  
" It was Dawn's idea--"  
"Will the nerd and Virgin please get back to shovelling," Buffy ordered, clearly miffed that she had done most of the work--yet again.  
"hey!" Xander and Andrew yelled, digging their shovels back into the red powdery dirt.


	2. That's the way to keep dry pants

Chapter 2 Chapter 2

You're A Peach

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Joss and Fox Network

'Turn Around Do A dance...'

The four crusaders were back in Xander's car. The car that smelt like double meet palace and had a little green air freshener hanging on the rear-view mirror. _Hmm cute_, thought Andrew, _I don't think it's doing much good though_. Andrew buckled himself into the back seat and gazed mindlessly out the window. _I seem to be getting tied down a lot these days...I bet Buffy has shackles, shackles are hot. _Andrew eye's glazed over as he looked into the clear blue sky recalling the time the trio had added 'Buffy as a sex-slave' to their big list. _Good times, good times,_ thought Andrew. Dawn also appeared to be off in her own world, staring at nothing in particular.  
_Andrew kinda smells,_ sniffed Dawn,_ Well obviously he hasn't showered for two days.__I know boys smell but this is just cruel, I mean I have to sit next to this stink bomb. _Dawn snuck a peak at the daydreaming Andrew. _I wonder if he spikes his hair with gel, maybe it's just grease...eww._

Dawn continued staring at Andrew and he must have noticed because he snapped out of his kinky daydream. A daydream which included a certin slayer, some shackles and Padma from 'Attack of the Clones'.  
"wha-what?" Stuttered Andrew, his voice turning squeaky. He suddenly felt very self-conscious.  
"Nothing," Dawn blushed, she had been caught staring, not _just_ staring-staring at Andrew of all people.  
_Oh-Gosh, this is when I find out she has X-ray vision and can see everything...eve-ry-thing. _Andrew crossed his legs as slyly as possible, giving Dawn a nervous grin.  
"umm," Dawn turned to face Andrew, "You kind of smell," _Okay that was kind of mean but I was just stating the obvious._ Dawn pulled a stray hair behind her ear.  
" Oh-ha ha...yeah," Andrew shrugged, "That's what happens when you don't shower for two days," he chuckled nervously, suddenly becoming very aware of his damp sweatshirt and full bladder.  
"Buffy!" whined Dawn leaning forward, Andrew took this time to decrepitly sniff his armpit. _Yeah, I smell like mayonnaise left out in the sun, I'm just sweating salmonella poisoning-I could kill someone. _Andrew shoved his hands under his armpits, _Just protecting the people, I'm like Frodo ,this is my burden to bare Sam Wise.It's my burden... _Andrew sunk back into his seat with his hands under his armpits and legs crossed.  
"What?" Buffy leant back agasint her headrest.  
"Can Andrew have a shower when we get back... he smells," Dawn whispered the last part.  
"A shower? He's our hostage not our guest-age," Buffy retorted.  
"uhh...," Andrew put up his hand, then quickly replaced it under his armpit. Dawn looked back at the scrunched-up looking boy, "I need to urinate,"  
Dawn squinted," you haven't peed for two days...have you?"  
"That's be a big N.O, cap-i-tain," Andrew fidgeted like a kindergarten before nap time.  
"How are you not dead?"  
"I don't know" Andrew looked terrified.  
"Yeah he needs the washroom and a shower," Dawn cleared up.  
"No way, he's my hostage and what I say goes-no shower, he's not some long-lost cousin staying over for a visit,"  
"Obviously not, who visits Sunnydale?" Xander laughed feeling his input was needed.  
"Fine-no shower, but I've got Niagara Falls built up in here!" _If this car hits a pothole my bladder might just upchuck one of the top ten wonders of the world.  
_" Just tie him to the chair," Xander turned a corner, keeping his eyes on the road.  
Dawn found herself feeling sorry for Andrew, he'd been tricked into killing his best friend, smelt like the boys change room and everyone abused him.  
"Well if you don't let me pee, I'll turn that white chair yellow," Threatened Andrew with what looked like an attempt at the evil eye.  
"Eww," The Summer sisters wailed.  
"Fine he can pee-but no shower," Buffy backed down, she didn't want to loose anymore furniture. Andrew was getting more anxious by the second, his bladder was going to over flow.  
" Drive-Xander Drive!" Andrew fidgeted, his hands between his legs, " For Pete sake, Yoda could drive faster than you and he can't even reach the peddle!"  
"Hey!"

Xander pulled into the Summer's drive and before the car could roll to a stop Andrew was sprinting for the front door. Bursting through the front door, Andrew jumped the stairs two at a time.  
" Mother Theresa that boy can run," Xander slam the car door shut. Dawn, Buffy and Xander strolled through the open door and into the living room.  
"Where's the fire?" questioned Willow front the couch.  
" I don't know but I bet Andrew could extinguish it," Dawn giggled, she could get used to life with another teenage boy around.

-- Hey everybody :) this is my first ever fan-fic so please review :D sorry the chapters short but my computer busted and i have  
to use the school comps.


	3. odear

You're A Peach  
( Many thanks to Eternal Night 2008, AdrianTepes001 and wellxwisher for reviewing.  
Hopefully I'll be posting many new chapters soon. :)

**'Odor...O-dear'**

"Oww!" Andrew cried as Xander pushed him back into the little white chair. Xander whipped out some rope and tied up the boy. _Ouu kinky...I'm not gay_, shifty eyes.  
" This rope is ruff and it's making my skin red and flaky,"  
"I'm sorry" Xander placed his hands on either side of Andrew, "Would you like me to get you something softer? Maybe some silk or cotton?"  
" That'd be nice," Andrew was so gullible, it was one of his major flaws.  
Dawn and Buffy had disappeared and Anya and Willow were relaxing on the couch folding socks. _Maybe I could convince Xander to free me and instead I could fold socks and bake, Just like Martha Stewart.  
_"Too bad! People who kill their best friends get the no-name brand rope," Xander tightened the ropes and trotted off to join Buffy in the kitchen. _Xander sure does eat alot, oh-god this is just like Hansel and Gretal, soon Xander will be examining my fingers to see if I'm prime and plump and I'll have to push him in the stove, does Buffy even have a stove? Even so I don't think Xander would fit in it.  
__  
_Andrew shook the thought out of his head and focused back on the problem at hand.  
"Hey I was tricked! Tricked I tell you! Tempted by the seductive dance of the dark-side...  
But I listened to obi-wan! I recognized my mistakes!" Andrew wailed, " The Fith put me under his spell, I was like a freaking Puppet-like Pinocchio" _wait, Pinocchio was a liar_, " actually, I take that back, I was more like a Muppet, like Fozzie the bear or Rizo the rat,"

" I can't listen to his whining anymore, want to get some lunch?" Anya said with a smile on her face.  
"Yeah, uh-h sure," Willow dropped the socks she was folding and headed to the kitchen. Andrew was on his own yet again, boredom found him quickly when he was alone.

_It's Okay Andrew, You can entertain yourself...huh..If only life was a musical, and then I could sing my boredom away, I'd be like Cher but with all my ribs and less sequences. _

Andrew searched around, his eyes skimming over the furniture in the summer's living room. The phone rang and if Andrew hadn't been tied down he would have hit the ceiling.  
"Ahhh...haha just the phone," Andrew snickered, his nerves wound up tighter than the host from the Weakest Link. The phone continued ringing and no one seemed to be picking it up.  
"Phone!" Andrew hoped up and down in his chair, "Ze phone is ringing, are you people deaf?"

No one answered Andrews cry, or the phones. _Guess this is up to me, this is just like Samuel.L.Jackson in die hard with a vengeance--_The Phone rung again. Andrew started hoping up and down on the chair, slowly edging closer to the desk. Seeing he was tied down, his mobility was close to none. Then just as his prey seemed to be an arm reach away, he tipped over. The small white chair and Andrew landing sideways on the hard wood floor and creating a loud bang.

"Ever thought of putting in some carpet," Andrew winced, " maybe plush, I here shag is coming back"  
_Bruce Willis would not be impressed.  
_Dawn came downstairs just in time to find Andrew and the chair slumped on the floor. The phone had stopped ringing, either Buffy had caught it or the person calling had given up.  
"What was that?" Xanders voice called from the kitchen.  
"Just Andrew, don't worry I'll handle it!" Dawn shouted back, placing half a dozen tiny bottles on the desk, she heaved the chair and Andrew back on their feet.  
"Thank you young one your kindest will not go unnoticed," Andrew smiled genuinely.  
"Whatever," she shrugged, looking past Andrew and at the tiny bottles, "We seem to be loosing a lot of people around here, I didn't want someone tripping over you and killing themselves."  
"So what's with all the bottles? Uh...You're not going to make me do a urine test are you because the urine ship has already set sail-"  
"Umm no," Dawn raised an eyebrow, " and why can you just say pee like everyone else?"  
Dawn pulled another chair out from under the table and slid it under her bum.  
" Well, when I think of pee I think of vegetables and I rather not mix my food with my urine," Andrew spaced out, nodding along with what he said, " wait, that came out wrong-"  
"Anywho," Dawn dropped the little bottles onto her lap, "I decided to help you," she could not believe she had just said that, helping Andrew was like helping a bee sting you.

"You're going to force feed me tiny liquor bottles till I'm so drunk I can't feel pain. Then I'll break out of these ropes and run into the night? Fearing nothing but an impending hangover?" Things went dead silent for a minute, Andrew stared helplessly at his feet wondering why he said the things he did. _No wonder he's a virgin, I bet he hasn't even been drunk.  
_"It's cologne and perfume-I'm going to make you smell better, not help you escape," Dawn would give him another chance, only one. Anyway, Andrew was fairly amusing.  
"Cool," Andrew grinned, nodding happily.  
"Okay, well I raided the house and found some men's cologne," Dawn picked up and examined a few of the darker bottles, "Since Spikes gone for now I took some of his stuff, I also 'borrowed' some of Xanders,"  
"So I can smell like a corpse or Xander?" it took less than a second for Andrew to make his decision, " I'll take the corpse," Dawn giggled, blushed and covered her face with her curly locks, pretending to play with the bottles.

_I made her laugh, not just laugh-blush. Oh I'm suave, must be the shirt, black is slimming._

"There's also whatever the rest of this is-I'm pretty sure Riley left this," she held up a small bottle of tag, " and the rest is mine,"  
" Hmm," Andrew smiled, watching the light reflect off the small bottles, " This is like the time I was browsing the fragrance counter in Macy's and the clerk was telling me to stop stealing the free-sample bottles. Then I accidentally sprayed myself in the eye and started screaming, 'ahh my retinas' and security tackled me," and Andrew was officially off in his own world, " Then I was band for life,"  
"So Which one do you want?" Dawn stuck two bottles less than an inch away from Andrew's nose.  
"Which one do you think smells better?" Andrew titled his head to the side, attempting to scratch an itch just below his ear. _If only I was wolverine, then I could break out of these ropes and scratch that itch. Of course I'd probably stab myself in the neck, hopefully my powers would heal it before I suffocated...  
_"Personally I like Spikes," Dawn popped the cap of the bottle and took a whiff.  
_Spike? What was women's attraction to that Billy Idol impersonator. Why is he so cool and I'm not...I have a leather Jacket, and spiked hair...ouu maybe it's his badass scent.  
_"Lay it on me sister!" Andrew stuck his neck out awkwardly.  
"Whatever you say," Dawn sprayed Andrew's neck, then across his chest, "well now your at least bearable,"  
"What was I before?"  
"unbearable."

Please review :) :)


	4. Potential Annoyence

You're A Peach

(sorry it took so long, thanks for the reviews everyone :)

'Potential Annoyance'

_Gather around gentle listeners as I tell you off recent whimsical and spontaneous events. At approximately 4.oopm this afternoon a dashing (yet slightly pompous) British man entered the summer's house. Not only did her bring the smell of an eight-hour flight, he brought along three bonnie wee lassies. It wasn't just the flight that had brought them but rather an inner calling, their destiny! First there was Kennedy-with the bluntness of a butter knife. Then there was Molly, Molly the dolly-or at least she dressed that way, someone needs to visit Stacy & Clinton and get a little TLC. Where was I? Ah yes then there was Annabel, ah Annabel-there was really nothing special about her. As the summer's residence and new guests gathered round, Gandalf the Brit. spoke of evil things. Things that must not be named! Then gentle viewers, your master storyteller spoke out and was gagged... now I'm just sort off hungry, I wish the Mcrib was back at McDonalds-It was like flash dance in my mouth but everyone was naked._

Xander suddenly strolled by causing Andrew to awake out of his secretive story telling.

"How long have you followed Buffy?" Questioned Andrew, trying to make conversation. The potential slayers had adapted the same disease everyone else had picked up, the ignore-Andrew-because-he's-annoying disease.

"I don't follow her, she's my Best Friend," Snapped Xander. _Jeez, Xander is so moody, must be someones time of the month._

"She seems like a good leader, her hair is shiny," Andrew pointed out, " does she make you stab things?" he yelled as Xander left him to stew in his own juices. Andrew never wanted to stab anything ever again, unless of course he was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 and needed to stab a heartless with his keyblade.

For the past half-hour everyone had been making room for the new guests, even Dawn had been trying to help out. Unfortunately Dawn was a bad cook and had tried making dinner.

"Does she want to eat?" Dawn gave Willow a fright when she jumped out from the dinning room.

"Huh...oh no... she's new," Willow stuttered watching Kennedy retreat up the stairs with some pillows and a duvet.

"Well Annabel and Molly are starved and I totally burnt the Mac and cheese," Andrew had smelt that all the way in the living room, " Oh, I'll just put hot sauce on it and tell them it's an American thing, say it's blackened!"

Anya put an end to that plan by chucking the attempted meal in the trash.

"Actually not blackened so much as ruined,"

"Or we can have Pizza!" Willow announced, Andrew's ears perked up. Pizza?

A few minutes later he heard Dawns harmonic voice announce there were cookies in the kitchen. _Uh, I'm like the tubby kid at fat camp who sits next to the kitchen so he can smell the food-or gruel, eww all I smell is burnt cheese._

Then the Pizza came, 4 large pizza's with extra toppings and three bottles of Pepsi products. Xander had even ordered some garlic wings and garlic bread. No vampire would be eating at this party. Dawn, Willow, Kennedy and Molly took up the couch, munching down on the greasy pizza.

_Wow I think my stomach might be eating itself._

Andrew's mouth was watering and his eyes very focused on the pizza boxes on the table. For a while Andrew squinted at the pizza, mumbling random words under his breath.

"What are you doing?" Anya questioned, grabbing the last slice of pepperoni pizza.

" I was trying to use the force until you broke my focus! Uh Bullwinkle..."

" Why?"

" So I can get some pizza," whined Andrew, any chance of him yodaing himself some pizza was gone, _what would Yoda say?_

" Why didn't you just ask?"

"No one would listen to me," he shuffled his feet back and forth.

" Honestly," Anya leant back onto the armchair, " You are the whiniest, nerdiest boy I've ever met and I dated Xander."

" Hey, right here you know," Xander waved a hand from the little white chair near the desk.

" I know honey, don't worry. I'm not ignoring you. Even though you did leave me at the altar on our wedding day and you constantly drive me insane," Anya sighed, " tell me again why I'm not ignoring you?"

_2 Hours later_

_Uhh there's a civil war going on in my stomach, I don't care if the north or the south wins I just want it to be over. _Andrew's head was leaning on his shoulder, he had given up on entertaining himself, he just wanted food, but seeing everyone was asleep he was doomed till the morning. Then out of the darkness someone came lurking.

_Take whatever you want! just grab me some left over pizza while you're at it._

It was Dawn, dressed from head to toe in cute teddy bear Pajama's and in her hands were a giant box of cookies.

"Chips ahoy!" Andrew whispered as loud as he could, "no pun intended,"

"Do you want some?" She asked, surprised that he was still up. Andrew simply opened his mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes," _I'm like his nanny, I make him smell nice, listen to his nonsense, feed him, soon I'll have to give him a bath...oh god I did not just go there-I take it back._

Dawn pushed a half-eaten cookie into Andrew's mouth.

"Oww," Andrew moaned, munching down on his treat, " my mouth is tender and the chocolatly chips are poking me in awkward places," _The cookie monster must have had a mouth of steal_, thought Andrew_, and a really good dentist. _

" So young one, why are you still up?" The civil war in Andrew's stomach finally came to a close.

"Buffy's out, so I can't sleep," Dawn bit down on a cookie, making a louder noise than she had intended, "woops"

"Don't worry they can sleep through anything. I was singing a few numbers from Mary poppins earlier and no one yelled at me, so I'm assuming they sleep like pinball wizards"

Andrew opened his mouth again like a baby bird waiting for a juicy worm.

"Pinball wizard?"

"Yeah you know, a deaf, dumb, blind kid, sure plays a mean pinball," Andrew sung the last part while shaking his head back and forth. The cookie packet crinkled as Dawn pulled out another cookie and plopped it in Andrew's mouth. _Half the time I don't know what he's talking about, but this time I do! I should win a prize, get a medal or something._

"I get it," she chuckled, "like The Who song,"

"Right" smiled Andrew chewing happily on his cookie.

" Personally I liked Magic Bus better,"

" Magic Bus just makes me think of the magic school bus," Andrew nodded. _Miss Frizzle was a babe._

"Honestly, does everything make you think of TV?" Dawn softly chuckled

"No, sometimes it makes me think of movies, or music," Andrew nodded, "I'm like a Jelly belly, I come in a whole variety of flavors,"

" So apparently, stuff reminds you off jelly beans"

"Not just any jelly beans, jelly bellys, they come in such erotic flavors!"

"don't you mean exotic?" Dawn raised an eyebrow.

"no," Andrew pondered,"anywhoz, this one time, Jonathan had this yellow jelly belly and he told me it was pina colada so I ate it but it was really buttered popcorn and I'm allergic to buttered popcorn. So I went to wall-mart and the pharmacist told me jelly bellys had artificial flavoring," Andrew sighed, " so not cool"

"Uh-huh," Dawn nodded, shoving another cookie in her mouth.

" Well I'm going to bed, do you want another cookie before I go?"

"Obvs," _I'm so ghetto with my hip slang._

Dawn plopped one last cookie in Andrews's open mouth.

"Thank you kindly, ma hombre,"


	5. Beached Whale

**Beached Whale **

**--**

"Why isn't Buffy back yet? she left to get the new girl over an hour ago," Eve questioned the other potentials as they lay in the living room in their fuzzy pj's

" Maybe she ran into trouble, you don't think maybe she was too late again?" _Maybe she's off getting a shot gun to finish me off!_

Eve looked nervously at the other girls.

"Maybe-"

"Maybe we can save the maybes for more of a dayish part of the day girls."

Xander turned on the lamp next to the couch

"Potential slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes" Xander dragged a hand down his pale white face.

"I'm with him," Andrew turned his head as far back as he could, "keep the chatter down!" Andrew turned back, " or speak up so I can hear you." his voice took on its normal self-conscious wheeze. He dragged out a sigh, "I'm bored, Episode 1-bored,"

The door clicked open and Buffy and the new potential walked in, Dawn trotted through the kitchen with a box of cheerios, shoving a few in her mouth.

" Everyone, this is Rona," Buffy told everyone.

"Hey Rona," everyone replied like a bunch of robots.

"Hey Rona," Andrew answered after everyone. _uh-huh fresh meat, maybe i can use the force on her weak mind and get her to untie me from this prison ._

"Why is that guy tied to a chair?" the new girl asked, slightly disturbed. _because I danced a seductive dance with the dark side that's why! hey you know when Lando gave into the dark-side in episode five, The Empire Strikes Back, no one tied him to a chair._

"The real question you should be asking is, why isn't he gagged?" Xander smiled sitting up on the couch. Dawn swung over to Andrew, facing the pale looking hostage.

"Hey," _Andrew looks so miserable_

"Hey," _Dawn looks so happy_

"Cheerio?" Dawn held up a couple in her palm.

" Sure," Andrew held open his mouth and Dawn dropped a few in. Through out the last few days Dawn had been sneaking food to Andrew.

--

_flash back_

_"Hey do i get my one phone call?"_

_"No, your a hostage not a prisoner," Buffy crossed her arms and glared evilly at the boy._

_"I'd rather be a prisoner," Andrew moaned, " on seconds thoughts there's no way I'm bending down to pick up the soap" he squirmed just thinking about it._

_"Can I at least get some food?!" The growing number of potentials looked up from the living room floor, " uh, I'm so malnourished, I'm like an Ethiopian"_

_"No Andrew, ethopians have their dignity, you lost yours a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away," Xander patted Andrew on the shoulder and left for work._

_Buffy rounded up the potentials and took them downstairs for some training. which meant Dawn, Andrew and Anya had nothing to do. Anya sat back into the couch as Dawn munched away at a Jam sandwich that she had saved from the explosion of hungry girls. Andrew look at Dawn with his best attempt at puppy dog eyes._

_" Dawn," Anya called, " don't be fooled by his human emotions, he'll probably try and stab you if you get to close," she picked mindlessly at her nails._

_I might stab you if you get to close, thought Andrew, you bitch demon!_

_" okay-" Dawn looked from Andrew to Anya, " Oh my gosh an ubervamp!"_

_"where!?" Anya screamed looking towards the front door where Dawn was pointing. Dawn took this time to mush the rest of her sandwich into Andrew's mouth._

_" False alarm," chuckled Dawn, " It was just the postman,"_

_Andrew couldn't chew-Anya was staring straight straight at him, " Hey, what's wrong with your mouth?"_

_Andrew mumbled something incoherent. _

_"it's-it's a bee sting," _

_"in the mouth?" Anya stood up, putting her hands on her hips._

_"It's a mouth bee-yeah a mouth bee, they come around this time every year," Dawn was making up complete nonsense while Andrew munched silently on the sandwich._

_" you shoudl probably get yourself checked," Dawn said as serious as she could manage. Anya opened her mouth to say something but got up and trotted to the kitchen instead._

--

" Hey, no feeding the Andrew," Anya snapped, passing by Dawn with an armload of bedding. _No feeding the Bitch Demon._

"Ignore Anya, she's just... Moody,"

" Since Xander left her at the altar on her wedding day which she had been planning since she was a little bitch demon?" Andrew smiled evilly.

Anya passed by again, this time sticking a sign that said 'no feeding The Andrew' to the side of Andrews chair.

" Great I've been lowered from prisoner, to hostage, to endangered bear!" Andrew moaned, " might as well poke me though metal bars and document my mating rituals!" the potentials began snickering. _Next I'll be a beached whale and the potentials will have to heave me back into my watery grave!!_

_READ & REVIEW PLEASE :):)_


	6. When Andrew met Leather

Chapter 6

You're a peach  
When Andrew met Leather

Andrew leant limply against the kitchen counter in the summer's kitchen; he had been freed earlier that day and was living up his freedom. _I'm just like Anakin skywalker freed from slavering and living the life of a young Jedi only to come back years later and witness my mother's demise. Shit-take mushrooms! I haven't talked to my mom for like a month she'll think I'm dead._ Dawn passed by a few potentials as she walked to the fridge; the place was getting clogged up with them, like hair in the drain of a boy's locker-room. There was a desperate need of Drano in this house. Xander mulled over some coffee near the cooker and Dawn finally reached the fridge looking for some sweet chocolate.  
"How do you think they get the caramel in the caramilk bar?" Andrew broke a piece of his bar and plopped it in his mouth.  
"I dunno," Dawn answered with her head half in the fridge. _Huh I was sure I left my caramilk bar around here. _Andrew and Dawn had been bored earlier and had trotted into town and grabbed some chocolate.

**_Flash back_**

_"Hurry up Andrew, we have to get back before Buffy realises we're gone," Moaned Dawn, she had already picked out her chocolate from the small selection the drug store offered.  
"I can't decide between the sweet ewwy-gooey taste of a mars bar or the bubbly texture of an Aero."  
"Just pick already," sighed Dawn, one hand on her hip.  
"Can't I have both?"Andrew moaned, "I was wondering..."  
"What?"  
"What do you think would happen if neo took the red and the blue pill in the matrix?"  
Even the drug store clerk rolled his eyes when he heard this.  
"Do you think he'd get stuck between both realities? Like a never ending dream world?! Like some crazy fear and loathing' acid trip?!" before Andrew could throw out any further questions Dawn grabbed two caramilks and payed for them.  
"Hey!" Andrew whined.  
"You snooze you lose,"  
"I wasn't snoozing I was perusing," Andrew crossed his boney arms._

--

_Maybe Andrew ate both of them! _Dawn slammed the fridge door shut.  
"Do you think they squeeze it in with a tiny pipe?" the questioning continued.  
"I dunno" Dawn began to search around the kitchen, then she caught sight of her chocolate bar, sitting directing in the sun under the window. It happened before she could stop it; Andrew lazily flopped himself onto the counter and onto her chocolate bar.  
"Do you know anything?"  
"I know you just sat on my caramilk," Dawn snickered and Xander laughed into his coffee mug. Andrew hoped of the counter and turned around; a giant mass of melted chocolate was smushed into the butt of his pants.  
"Wow Andrew, Guess we broke you out of the pull ups too soon," Xander snickered putting down his coffee. Three of the potentials sitting at the bar giggled too.  
"Uhh these were my only pants, I'm a one costume character, just like Han Solo, you never saw him wearing jeans or track pants did you?" Andrew whined. _Great now I have to walk around a house full of girls looking like I soiled myself. _  
"Come on Andrew I'll find you a pair of clean pants," Dawn's face was beat red and she was trying hard not to laugh.  
"Great now I'm a charity case," _prisoner, hostage, charity case...beached whale.  
_"Or you could just wear those pants-"  
"its okay I don't mind thrift storing it," Andrew let out an elongated sigh and followed Dawn out of the kitchen, " maybe I could learn to pick pocket, get a swift British accent-that'd be wizard," Andrew was off again, rambling on, "then at dinner go _please Dawn can I have some more?_" Giles would have frowned if he had heard Andrew's attempt at a English accent.  
"More caramilk?" smiled Dawn as the two trotted up the stairs, "You could eat it off your pants if you want,"  
"I'd rather not look like a fudge-packer," Andrew scrunched up his face in disgust.  
--

"Where did she put Riley's pants?" Dawn sat on her knees and rummaged through Buffy's wardrobe. She opened an underwear drawer than quickly shut it.  
"Obviously not in there," she continued down the line of drawers.  
"Uhh, all I can smell is melted chocolate, I think I've found a whole new appreciation for Willy Wonka, he had to smell this 24/7 man...," Andrew gazed at the ceiling, "the poor chocolatear,"  
"Here," Dawn whipped out a pair of huge jeans.  
"Dawn, I'm a hobbit not an ogre, those I'll never fit me," Dawn passed the gargantuan sized jeans into Andrew's hands. With a hop and a jump, Andrew was in the pants. They came up past his stomach and Andrew was almost certain he could fit another person in there with him. _Just tie up the ends and I'm ready for my potato sack race._  
"Okay maybe not," Dawn giggled, leaning back against the wardrobe, "How about we see if Spikes pants will fit you," _Lady's man pants? Heck yes!_

_--_

"Dawn are you sure these aren't spandex?" Andrew came out from under the stairs (his make-do change room). The tight leather pants were suction-cupped to his legs. _I think my sperm count just went down._  
"I was sure they were leather," Dawn was laughing between every word, "now I'm not so sure"  
_who needs x-ray vision when you're wearing spandex pants, I don't' even know if you could call these pants.  
_"These pants are the ultimate death trap; I'm losing the feeling in my toes!" Andrew started to wail, shuffling back and forth on his numb toes.  
"Okay uhhh what about these?" Dawn literally grabbed the first pair of clothing she saw.  
_Anything's better than this, I really don't see why superman was so attracted to spandex, or rather tidy whitys on top of spandex._ Andrew waddled behind the stair case and stripped-actually rolled out of the tight leather pants. As swiftly as possible he pulled out the second pair of pants.  
"I think we have a winner,"  
"I was beginning to fear for my reproductive system, how did spike wear those beastly pants," Andrew squirmed, "vampires can't have children can they?" Andrew strolled around the basement in a pair of dark wash jeans.  
"Nope," Dawn answered, chucking Andrew a brown leather belt.  
"Could you imagine little vampires? They'd probably go for your ankles," Andrew shuddered just thinking about it.

Thanks for reading :)  
Please Review :)


	7. Universe's next top slayer

**Chapter 7**

**The universe's next top slayer! (part one)  
scene 1**

"Greetings gentle viewer and welcome to this week's edition of America's next top slayer-"  
"Shouldn't it be the universe's next top slayer?" The video camera was out and in the hands of one Dawn Summers. The two walked simultaneously through the house; they were on a creative expedition.  
"You're right-okay cut and rewind, this vid. has to be boss," Andrew moaned as Dawn rewound the tap and hit record. They were now entering the summer's kitchen, where most of the potentials and Xander were crowded.  
"Gather 'round gentle viewers for this week's exciting episode of the universe's next top slayer!" Andrew smirked as Dawn skimmed the lens over the crowded kitchen.  
"Let's do introductions shall we?" Andrew was perkier than a cheerleader, "I'm your host, Andrew. I enjoy long walks on the beach, holding hands and sunsets--"  
Dawn lowered the camera and gave Andrew a questionable look.  
"Andrew?"  
"What?" Andrew squeaked nervously, "I was just introducing myself;" he rubbed his arm and looked at the ceiling.  
"Take two,"  
"Hi," Andrew stared awkwardly at the ceiling," I'm Andrew, I'll be your host," He let out a hefty sigh, "I enjoy RPG's and collecting action figures-"  
"I think you mean dolls!" scoffed Rona from behind Andrew.  
"Silencio from the peanut gallery!"  
"So like I was saying, I'm Andrew and I like action figures ouuu—and those tiny sour candies, the ones which make your head explode!"  
"Warheads?" Rona offered  
"You're disqualified,"  
"From what?"  
"From my Masterpiece," Andrew crossed his arms as Dawn zoomed in on Rona's confused face.  
"Andrew what are you doing?" Buffy walked into the kitchen mean while giving Dawn a questionable glare as if to say, "You're hanging out with him? Really?'  
"I take it back, I don't want to know," Buffy opened the fridge and poured herself a cup of milk.  
"And this is gentle viewers is Buffy summers," Andrew continued to narrate as Dawn zoomed in on Buffy's mouth.  
"She's the current slayer-soon to be replaced by THE UNIVERSE'S NEXT TOP SLAYER!" Andrew grinned; his elaborate TV series was going as planned. _Buffy_ _is like the Tyra of the flabbergasting television series_, though Andrew.  
"Soon? Soon to be replaced?" Xander put down his coffee.  
"Of course not-ha-ha I didn't say that," Dawn swerved-between the two, slowly closing in on their eyes.  
"Yeah you just did!" Xander pointed, "Dawn rewind the tape," Xander stepped forward and Dawn backed away.  
"Cut and Print!" Andrew butted in nervously and led Dawn out of the Kitchen.  
"We can cut that last part out," whispered Andrew under his breath.

Scene 2  
"Where's the night vision on this thing?" Dawn held up the Camera to Andrew as a bunch of the potentials, Buffy and Spike headed to the grave yard. Andrew stopped and pressed a red button on the side of the Camera. Dawn held it up to eye level and set it on Andrew as he strolled along the pathwalk.  
"Once again adventous personnel we bring you into the heart of slayer training, to be a slayer you have to be, strong, aggressive, you have to put you emotions aside-essentially you have to be a mean-green fighting machine--"  
"Buffy can we stop for ice-cream?" Amanda butted past, knocking Andrew aside.  
"Hey watch it; I'm as brittle as crusted blood" Andrew yelled after her then turned back to the camera.  
"I kind of want Ice cream, let's side track this mission," Dawn stopped recording and let the video camera hang of her hand.  
"Sure,"

Scene 3  
Buffy had obviously said no to ice cream so the rest of the potentials had gone ahead while Andrew and Dawn snuck into the ice cream parlour.  
"Shouldn't we be documenting the potentials?" Dawn wondered out loud. Two rocky road ice creams were passed over the counter and Andrew fished a few dollars out of his jean pocket.  
"Na, Buffy's probably just doing one of her motivational speeches," he handed one ice cream to Dawn and dug into his own.  
"Oliver wood gave shorter speeches than Buffy," Andrew smirked as they leered at downtown Sunnydale.  
"Oliver wood?"  
"Harry Potter's Quiditch leader?" Andrew waited for an 'ohhh' but didn't get one, "You know….Harry Potter, sexy tousled black locks, lighting forehead, best seeker for forever's!?" Dawn just stared at him with blank eyes.  
"I have much to teach you," Andrew patted her lightly on the shoulder. They began to ease out of the parlour.  
"Quick Robin, to the Bat-mobile!" Andrew shouted and pointed to the street leading to the Grave yard. Dawn continued to stare blankly at him.  
"E'gads, you're like media challenged or something," and with that the two strolled into the night. Their mission yet to be fulfilled.

Scene 4  
"Spike," Andrew whispered, " Strong, Loyal to the slayer, has a way with humans of the female variety and last but not least… a mentally challenged vampire-"  
" keep on doing that, and I'll give that bite on your neck a companion," Spike threatened as the potentials roamed the grave yard in search of vicious vampires. Andrew's ice-cream was leaking everywhere and at last a giant chocolaty-chunk dropped onto spikes doc martens. Spike looked down at his black boots, "I'm going to kill you,"  
Dawn zoomed out as Spike tanked Andrew onto the ground.  
"Help! Help! You can't kill me on television!—I'LL SUE YOU!" _can you sue the dead?_ Spike pinned Andrew's wrists down and went for the kill. Andrew screamed out his last appeal, "Rape!! Rape!" Dawn just started laughing as Rona and two of the other potentials rushed to Andrew's side. Spike rolled his eyes and backed off a squirming/terrified Andrew.  
"Bloody hell i think my ears are bleeding," Spike stuck a finger in his ear and spun it back and force.  
"severs you right for attacking a innocent young lad!" Andrew barked, his voice cracking. Spike prentended to ludge for Andrew again then evilly cackled and walked off.  
"I think I need to change my pants," Andrew was pretty sure he'd peed himself.  
Dawn did a close up on Andrew's crotch.  
"Hey!" Andrew wailed at Dawn; putting his hand up to cover the lens, "That doesn't have x-ray vision does it?"

(sorry for the long wait, my computer got a virius and died, but now it's back :)  
Please read & REVIEW :)


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